obsessively, i sprawl through all of your old blogs. memories. fleeting. one day from 365 days of a year. and perhaps only 3 hours of the day, succinct, relayed in your blogs. or what used to be.
i do this almost everyday.
and then, i would go to your friendster profile. there, your familiar, big, warm smile would be smiling back at me. friendly, warm and kind. how long has it been my dear? since we last laughed together or talked?
sometimes, i would randomly get the urge to just lay back. and slowly but surely, relive each and every single one of our most prominent moments, or perhaps what i can recall most now. as my memory starts to fail. as our memories start to fade.
i hold onto them. cling on for dear life and refuse to let go. beauty is transient. beauty is but short-lived. i have to force myself to remember all this beauty. for humans are but infallible and prone to err and sin. age, time and the hustle and bustle of daily life all but too soon neglect the once pure, innocent and basic beauty of what we call love and pure emotion.
sometimes too. or perhaps most times, i tend to drink. i wish i could drink and drink and drink and fall slowly into a slumber that i would never wake from, where you and me still exist, where we still laugh happily.and then i'd turn over, and the first person i see when i wake is you. you with your crooked grin.
i remember how you used to be so conscious of your toes.
sometimes, i find i'd stop short in my tracks. pause. heave a sigh. and move on. with whatever i'm doing at that point of time of course.
i wish. oh how i wish.
i wish i could get over you. not call your old number to say hello, and my heart would skip a few beats faster, just as it always did, when i used to call you in the past and got through to you on the phone. now, all i need to hear is hello. satisfied, i would then hang up. tear a little. and carry on with my daily life.
i wish i could get over you.