Thursday, March 22, 2007


Sales galore. Shops everywhere. Orchard Road. . Adidas originals. Polo Ralph Lauren. Aldo. Swensens. I see your image everywhere.

Was finding a place to chill when I eventually ended up here. Well, this place’s got no wireless so I’m just typing down my random thoughts. Of you. I don’t know why but I spent the whole day thinking of you.

You. Your laughter. Your smell. Your smile. Your body. Next to mine. Close. Skin on skin. And I actually felt for a second, perhaps many, that I missed you. Miss you? Missed you. I think. I don’t know why I feel this way. I’m trying to stop myself. To hate you. As much as I do. I still think of you. And as I was finding a place to chill, I ended up here. Back where it all began. Back where we always were. And I am at orchard. Lovely place. Lovely ice cream place. Things have changed so much though. And I imagine you would love being here. Nice touristss. People that I adore.

I don’t know why but my legs just took me here. Wasn’t thinking. At all. No specifics in mind. Instinctively, just walked to Outram MRT, took a look, reminisced and left. How things have changed.

And I don’t know why but I miss you. I wouldn’t say there’s an urge to be near you or to be with you. I just miss you.And Euphe says love is blind.

I guess it really is. And I know it’s stupid of me to miss you because you probably don’t miss me. Much less think about me. Hate me perhaps. But I cannot imagine that after so long, I still can think that I love you. Perhaps I really do love you. You can deny it. But I do. Perhaps you were just looking for an excuse to break up. To leave. As I felt you always did, as I felt you neglected me. I wonder if you remembered me telling you that if you didn’t treasure me, I would leave. Maybe you think I don’t treasure you.In my own way, I really do. I really loved you.

I am afraid to say the word “love” in the present tense for it hurts. Stupidity hurts.

“love is blind wad. You take both the good and the bad.”

Gerrie sometimes actually makes a lot of sense.As much as I know she’s not for me, I think it actually fills up the void. But without you, it’s not the same. I don’t think I can find another person like you anyway. To understand me and to have the same interests as me. I really want to go to France. You would too. Love the fashion, the sights, the sounds, the culture, the heritage, the tradition, the rich, the poor, the romance, the clean, the grime. Always wanted to go to France. And then perhaps backpack around Europe.“ Sometimes I think that it’s sad true love has to give way to practicality.

Passion kills and passion hurts. But love is passionate. Yet love is passionate.

I don’t think I will ever love again.
In that way at least.

I’ve morphed into the person I’ve always hated to become. And yet here I am now.For reasons unexplained.Shaped by life and its circumstances.And a part of me will always wonder What if.

Perhaps that’s a phase most people go through.
Perhaps everyone.
But then there are always this lucky few who experience love
With all its hurt
And stick with it
And I respect them
Because I admire the courage
They have to do so.
Although some may appear as fools
But aren’t all lovers?
Fools in love?

And yet
I love you.
And it feels funny to have someone else call my name
For your voice still rings in my ear.
Yet I know I cannot love you.
Because you don’t love me.
And to continue doing so
Would be stupidity
But love is blind
And I am a fool.
I feel old.
Things have changed.
The past, the present.Mos, ZOUK, TANTRIC, HAPPY.
All are but fleeting images of my youth.
it had to end though.
All is left but wistfulness and nostalgia.

Left Swensens alone.Funny how time flies.We left Swensens together.And this almost feels like a movie.

Because I can see you and me
Where I solitarily stand now.

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