Saturday, August 4, 2007

my ex lover is stupid

You said it was because your art would reveal what you were like. What you were like inside... We took away your art because we thought it would reveal your souls, or to put it more finely, we did it to prove you had souls at all.
- Kazuo Ishiguro
"Never Let Me Go"

If your art could really reveal what kind of person you were inside, then what kind of music you listen to and what kind of books you read could very well define that as well. I've always thought that what you're exposed to, the type of movies you list as your favourites, the music you listen to, the experiences of your life, shapes the kind of person that you are. Most definitely, what you do also reflect a lot about you as a person.When I listen to music that makes me think, read books that move me, and watch movies that touch me, I often long to meet a person who has the same interests as me. In the sense, our souls might be similar and we might be soulmates. I thought I met someone who felt and thought the same, but after we parted, and that I could see the bigger picture, I realise he is in a way very much different from me as well. Perhaps maturity, understanding and empathy grow in people. I hope it grows in him.I've often thought myself to be a very open-minded person as a kid. If anyone may pardon me, I could often see things from most perspectives, which makes me very malleable and susceptible to others' thoughts, opinions and criticisms. I've always believed in the best of human nature contrary to what I've experienced thus far. And I always wonder if I have been wrong.

Take Zheng for example, he does not read and he listens to R&B trash most of the time. I mean R&B is okay, but too much of it just reflects badly on you in the sense that you're just a stupid groupie wannabe. And he is a stupid wannabe, as can be seen from his latest Star Search escapade. He is shallow and narrow-minded and highly insecure. Of which all I have evidence to boot, but I shan't bore my readers with.It occurs to me that most actors and actresses are shallow, narrow-minded and highly insecure. I still remember that encounter with Pan Lingling. I was fund-raising for the elderly who live in one room flats in Redhill when I was 18. I approached her and her kids, there were about 3 of them, 2 sons and 1 nephew if I don't remember wrongly, and they snatched at my pens and ran around. She asked me how much they cost, I said S$10. Then she took out S$10 from her purse and gave it to me. Then I repeated myself, "I'm sorry but they're S$10 each, Miss." Then a flustered look overcame her and she grabbed her 10 buckeroos from my fingers and forced all of her kids to put back the pens in my donation box. I mean, why couldn't she just donate S$10.00 and I would give her one anyway? She was queuing for a toy line that cost hell of a lot more than S$10.00. And I bet she had the money to burn anyway, LV wallet and all.

On the contrary, let us look at that black panel that almost every household nowadays own. We see those pretty and decked out actresses (thanks to the frequent 3 minute touch-ups those make up artists and hair stylists fuss over) in a local drama serial, acting all kind and angelic. Does everyone look that fabulous at every angle all the time? No. They don't have frequent 3 minute touch-ups by professionals, and no, they are not endorsed by big brand names and so cannot afford to change their wardrobes as often because these things to the rest of the population are not for free. Also, the photographs we take are not photoshopped and enhanced by professionals. Does the exterior compensate for the interior? I guess not.Firstly, if I already know that most people like them have little interior, and much less brains. Zoe Tay cannot speak proper english, Zheng has to mug to get his stupid As. And the rest of the star search contestants from Singapore are either Ah-Lians or come from stupid JCs like Serangoon JC. Why do they end up in Serangoon JC if they really had the brains?

Raffles JC is a ching chong school by the way, and Zheng's ching chong ain't as good as mine. Or yea, I forgot, his english isn't as good as mine too. By the way, being the prom king is a popularity vote. It is not because you are really handsome or what not. Also, because you portray this certain image on telly, you're not really all that.I wish everyone's art could really reveal what they're like. Unfortunately, what we see on the telly is all bullshit used to hoodwink the stupid. Other than that, I always thought the people in Raffles were really open-minded because of the way they think, the way they write, the books they read and the music they listen to. But contrary to that, the way they carry themselves and the way they treat other people deny all of the former which makes me think them good and true.

Sometimes, I wonder if I am just being bitter and sceptical because of all that's happened to me, my life, my family, how growing up was shitty and the boyfriends sucked, but then I realise, I don't really give a fuck about who these people are or what they do. It's just that this is my random rant and take about such things, and other than these, I do not really give a damn because I'm happy the way I live and I'm glad for all these things I've experienced, because they do make me a better person. And I've realised I've matured in more ways than one.

Age does not mean maturity by the way. It's the experiences that shape you and the person you are that determine whether you are mature or not. In fact, most people at 45 still behave as though they're 16.

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