First Day of Field Camp

Swollen eyes

No better to let you see them now

My wasted heart
Will never learn todrive the demon down



When you love the devil
You sell your soul
And it's hard to make him go



Undignified


I am tonight



So give me false hope and promise me
you'll try to redeem yourself for the hundredth time



Lie to me if you must my dear


Give me a reason to have you here
Giving false hope allows me to still believe
In this powerful love that's consuming me




I'm hooked on a drug that steals my pride
It's hard not to seem
So undignified




It terrifies me
to think I'm not the only one


You'd be surprised
How much I cry when you are gone




When your angel's the devil
Your church is a tomb



But I need to be with you



I am addicted to the pleasure and the pain you give



I'm undignified
Enough for two

Detention

Growing up is a process of discovery and it often begins with the unlikeliest of things...

I had always thought in my mind that everything would seem smaller as I grew bigger.
Things like clubbing and all the what-nots.
They all seem less important as I grew.
Growing up had blown the world into an unmanageable size instead....


Everything familiar around me had collapsed and I was afraid.
I found myself lost, lost and smaller than I ever was.
I had struggled to stay afloat through this torrent of ideas, and things, and people.
But there were too many directions and too many possibilities.
I was trying too hard and it left me hurting and disconsolate.
There was nothing to grasp ad no light to look to.
Just an insurmountable mess ahead of me.



Well the years have passed and I kinda grew weary trying to work things out.
The colours were now dimmed but the gloom had gradually dissipated as well.
With time, I had lost my worries and subconsciously learnt to be happy again.
I found joy in lesser, seemingly inconsequential things like
Just walking with Clement to the bus stop with the breeze pressing up against our skin.



It was then I realised I had grown again.

Mended by you

I tried to make it work and I have learned the hardest way. I lost him in the end and when it was over,I turned my back on love.
I switched of at the mains and refuse to function.
I cried night and day.

You came up I swear that it was just like something from the movie scene. When we met, we connected. I never expected you’d be everything to me.


You are, everything I want to see and nothing that I wanna lose. With you I feel like I would never break.


I’ve been mended by you.
You’re the reason that I wanna stay and to go to places that I wanna go


He never held me close. You never let me go. Just when I lost the fights you were my soldier.

And now we are sitting here in such a different place


April 14th
Do you remember?


I've been mended by you.

So What

Yes one dose of you
Will have me addicted


And I know what you have been through
For me


And they say
I'm a slut
I'm a whore
I'm a freak
I got a different guy everyday of the week


You are too smart
And you would be a dummy to believe
That stuff that you heard that they say about me


Its only been 5 months
And i already got it bad
So good that i keep on comin back



My ex-friends tellin me i dont know how to act
but im tellin them
" bye! fall back..."


So when i had a good girl
She didnt do that much for me
Tried so hard but she could never be
The one for me



I can hear your call
It jus takes one call
And I'll come running
Boy i promise i will be there for you
All my heart it belongs to you

I cant lose you, boy
I just cant leave you alone


They say
You are gay
You are trouble
And we are a mistake
We ain't gonna have a future
And we ain't gonna have kids
I will be discriminated in Uni.

Find somebody else



So what?

So what?



So what?

Some people don't like it
Coz we hang out in the streets
But you're my boyfriend
You've always been here for me
This love is serious
No matter what people think


I'm gonna be here for ya
And I don't care what they say


SO WHAT?

sweet love

Siloso Beach Resort

Room 330




It was all too sweet to last.

hmmm

What do I look for?



I don't know, I'm old fashioned I guess.



I look for the boy next door.



Someone with a good heart, and personality and looks to match.




The kind of guy that
when I leave for work in the morning
I wait just a little bit 'til he leaves for work too.



just to catch a glimpse of his back and great smile.



Hoping that maybe, one day, he'll notice that I'm watching
and he'll smile back at me.



and I think I have already found him

You Found Me

I love you boy,when I never thought I could love again.



I can so imagine you now, sleeping soundly
in your sweet sweet slumber.
And I wish you love and peace and happiness
and everything beautiful and kind.



The long bus ride home gave me time to think. It always gives me time to think. I like alone time like that. Just travelling, journeying. And no one's by my side. I love you boy, for everything that you are, and everything that you do. You're probably the nicest, sweetest, kindest, bestest thing that's ever ever happened to me so far. And I really appreciate you for it. And I thank God, or whoever it may be, who granted me this opportunity to stumble onto you. And I make an effort to recall every single detail, every little action, vividly, repeatedly. I love you. Everything's just so perfect and beautiful, it makes me cry. And I did shed a tear or two, when I glanced up at the star-filled sky from the glazed bus window.



I know nothing's permanent, and everything's transient. It's just that those stars just happen to be more permanent than you and I could ever be. We live, we die. They live and they die too. But our time alive is shorter. The earth, even, is not transient. But I thank God that in this state of flux, we're here for each other, now, and perhaps, in our little forevers - I love you.



It seems as if everything is predestined and that everything happens for a reason. I thought that Sarah Chian was my soulmate just because it turned out that we spent almost 3 yrs together. Perhaps she was, but it's all over now. And I have to move on. You meet various soulmates in life. And I know I've found one in you. In the way we think, in the way we speak, in the way we behave, and in the tastes we prefer.



If it wasn't for my birthday, I wouldn't have met you. Then again, if it wasn't for my parents or Euphe, I wouldn't have met you,a complete stranger then in a sleazy club. And I knew Keith from Friendster. And Keith knew you. And that was such a long time ago.If it wasn't for Desmond Ee, I wouldn't have be so broken. And that was such a long time ago as well.



All roads lead to Rome. All my roads led to you. If it wasn't for Ian Kan, I wouldn't have fallen into depression and I wouldn't have, jumped in and out of multiple relationships that caused me to degrade myself, to accept less and what I would normally have disapproved of.



Rebounds. Yes, I think that's what they're called.



Well,I am glad I did.



Because



otherwise,



I wouldn't have met you.



Is this a dream?
If it is
Please don't wake me from this high
I've become comfortably numb
Until you opened up my eyes
To what it's like
When everything's right
I can't believe
You found me
When no one else was lookin'
You found me
How did you know just where I would be?
You broke through
All of my confusion
The ups and the downs
And you still didn't leave
I guess that you saw what nobody could see
The good and the bad
And the things in between




You found me.