It's too late

I'm holding on your rope
Got me ten feet off the ground
I'm hearin what you say but I just can't make a sound



You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down
But wait!
You tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around, and say...



It's too late to apologize
It's too late



I'd take another chance, take a fall
Take a shot for you
And I need you like a heart needs a beat
But it's nothin new
I loved you with fire
Now the red flame is turning blue
And you say "Sorry"
Like an angel



Heaven let me think it was you
But I'm afraid




It's too late to apologize
It's too late



I'm holdin on your rope
Got me ten feet off the ground...

trevvy article 2

Open relationship is about one thing—SEX.


Sex is good.
And sex with different people concurrently or over the course of a lifetime is awesome. Sex is so good that some people are addicted to it. Sex makes people do crazy things like spending 10 hours on IRC. I love sex just as much as anybody else. But I definitely believe that there is more to life than sex.


I was inspired to write this after reading the comments to the previous one that I have written.


Some people consider sex outside a monagamous relationship to be cheating, but I think it is definitely more than that. You are cheating when you lie and keep secrets from your partner.


I wonder how people define ‘relationship’ nowadays. The 'do's and 'don't's are getting increasing blurry these days.
The traditional concept of a committed relationship has gone through some pronounced changes in the past years.
As our pace of life gets faster and our notions of social acceptability become broader and more tolerant, the concept of a single partner for life beings to sound quaint to some. But if your partner suggested an open relationship -- one in which you were both free to explore other sexual encounters without fear of retribution -- what would you think?


Now I know we live in 2007 and no longer in 1997 which was the year I discovered I was bisexual by the way. And, yes, I understand that people often have sex before getting together. I understand that we live in a modern world.
But does that mean we can have an open relationship and expect it to work? I don’t believe such a relationship lends itself to success. A relationship should be built on openness, honesty and commitment. How committed can you be when your partner is entering into that same type of relationship with other people? Would that increase your faith in him or decrease it?


More than anything else, sex with other people seems to violate the contract of a relationship.and, in turn, monogamy. If you love someone, you don’t have sex with someone else. If you are monogamous, you don’t have sex with someone else. So, bottom line—love, sex, and relationship are all all implicated in monogamy.


Look, I'm old-fashioned! I am proud of it and not hiding it at all. I want the lifetime partner, “THE ONE,” the soul mate. I want the house. I want the dogs. I want the adopted kids. If I had a nice house in Melbourne, I would smile every time I looked out my window.



But I am not an idiot.



I am not waiting for the knight in shining armor to save me so we can ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after. I know a relationship takes work. It takes mind numbing, backbreaking work. A relationship is a promise that you won’t go anywhere, and you can’t. No matter what happens, you have to stick around. Well, that’s what it means to me.


Maybe not everyone is as old fashioned as me, and maybe there are many people who don’t want a relationship. But I bet any person in the world who was offered a chance at true love would take it in a heartbeat and never let go. So why have some people given up on the possibility of being with one person forever, or at least at a time? Do we really believe monogamy is dead? Or impossible? Or is there something else going on here?


You know what I really think about people who are in ‘open’ relationships? That it’s just easier to have an ‘open door’ policy because you just assume that your partner will cheat. Better instead to just allow him that freedom than to set yourself up for the inevitable pain of unfaithfulness. Or, conversely, that it’s easier to excuse your own unfaithfulness if you go into the relationship with the understanding that you are still ‘free’ to pursue other interests.

I just feel, and it’s a gut feeling that there’s something larger going on beneath the surface. It’s just a hunch, but I really think that it is not monogamy that people do not believe in. People who are into open relationships will tell you that they do not believe in having sex with one person and that same person forever. But I think its bull shit. I think they don’t really believe in love, and I think they force themselves to deal with the thought of the person they love having sex with other people because they think that’s the only way to really hold onto their love.

I think what motivates people is often fear of loss or getting hurt, so they dumb down their relationships in order to protect themselves against pain. But people who do all they can to avoid pain, and I am often guilty of that myself, never truly get all the great feelings because they are constantly worried about the bad feelings. Pain and loss exist to make happiness and love feel even better.


What it seems to come down to for people in these types of relationships is an unwillingness to try and make it work in a one-on-one, monogamous relationship. And again, if you feel that way, then why the hell get involved at all?


How does an open relationship honor love and commitment to each other? If your life is dotted with random sexual partners while building a solid relationship, then what is your relationship really about? Is it precious? Is it fulfilling? Is it beautiful? Is it real?


What makes a relationship something that people want to hold onto? What makes it special? Intimacy with your partner? Shared goals? Sex? I think the thing that makes a relationship special is that you are with the person you love. It’s special because it is two people doing something together that they are not doing with anyone else. That’s what a true relationship or love or whatever is all about.


Why would you want to preserve something that isn’t special and beautiful anyway?



Maybe I just don’t get it. Maybe because I am a sensitive new age bottom, and have a hard time separating sex from emotion (love), I can’t possibly see the awesomeness of open relationships. And certainly, I want people to do what they want to do.


I would never judge others for being non-monogamous, I just won’t date them.

ping pong song-enrique

Do you know what it feels like loving someone that’s in a rush to throw you away?

Do you know what it feels like to be the last one to know the lock on the door has changed?


If birds flying south is a sign of changes
At least you can predict this every year.
Love, you never know the minute it ends suddenly
I can’t get him to speak



Maybe if I knew all the things it took to save us
I could fix the pain that bleeds inside of me
Look in your eyes to see something about me
I’m standing on the edge and I don’t know what else to give.



Do you know what it feels like loving someone that’s in a rush to throw you away?


How can I love you?
How can I love you?
How can I love you?
How can I love you?
If you just don’t talk to me babe.




I flow through my act
And decide all the man I can ever be.



Looking at the last 6 months like I did
I could never see us ending like this.



How can I love you?
How can I love you?
How do you want me to love you?

numb

I'm a disaster waiting to happen


So yr friend said.

Friend whom you only met twice.

And the second time was actually encouraged by me.

Because you didnt want to go

But I thought it was only kind and polite to see him off at the airport

As he didnt have many friends.

So much for kindness.

It definitely goes a long way.






And what have I done?

My friends tell me stuff too.

Friends I know for years.

Friends whom I met thousands of times

But loyally, stubbornly, foolishly I stood by you.

Because I love you.

But you don't love me.



You live only for yourself.


What about me?




And it's alright
Yea I'll be fine
Don't worry about this heart of mine
Just take your love and hit the road
There's nothing you can do or say
You're gonna break my heart anyway
So just leave the pieces when you go



So Hello!

How you doing?

What's it like to ruin all my self esteem?


Let me blow off some steam

For 6 months

I've catered to your every whims and fancy




My heart got shattered like romantic roadkill

My heart is all splattered

Your ego got fatter

And I hope that you're flattered



Cause you broke me down
The best thing that you will probably ever have.

First Day of Field Camp

Swollen eyes

No better to let you see them now

My wasted heart
Will never learn todrive the demon down



When you love the devil
You sell your soul
And it's hard to make him go



Undignified


I am tonight



So give me false hope and promise me
you'll try to redeem yourself for the hundredth time



Lie to me if you must my dear


Give me a reason to have you here
Giving false hope allows me to still believe
In this powerful love that's consuming me




I'm hooked on a drug that steals my pride
It's hard not to seem
So undignified




It terrifies me
to think I'm not the only one


You'd be surprised
How much I cry when you are gone




When your angel's the devil
Your church is a tomb



But I need to be with you



I am addicted to the pleasure and the pain you give



I'm undignified
Enough for two

Detention

Growing up is a process of discovery and it often begins with the unlikeliest of things...

I had always thought in my mind that everything would seem smaller as I grew bigger.
Things like clubbing and all the what-nots.
They all seem less important as I grew.
Growing up had blown the world into an unmanageable size instead....


Everything familiar around me had collapsed and I was afraid.
I found myself lost, lost and smaller than I ever was.
I had struggled to stay afloat through this torrent of ideas, and things, and people.
But there were too many directions and too many possibilities.
I was trying too hard and it left me hurting and disconsolate.
There was nothing to grasp ad no light to look to.
Just an insurmountable mess ahead of me.



Well the years have passed and I kinda grew weary trying to work things out.
The colours were now dimmed but the gloom had gradually dissipated as well.
With time, I had lost my worries and subconsciously learnt to be happy again.
I found joy in lesser, seemingly inconsequential things like
Just walking with Clement to the bus stop with the breeze pressing up against our skin.



It was then I realised I had grown again.

Mended by you

I tried to make it work and I have learned the hardest way. I lost him in the end and when it was over,I turned my back on love.
I switched of at the mains and refuse to function.
I cried night and day.

You came up I swear that it was just like something from the movie scene. When we met, we connected. I never expected you’d be everything to me.


You are, everything I want to see and nothing that I wanna lose. With you I feel like I would never break.


I’ve been mended by you.
You’re the reason that I wanna stay and to go to places that I wanna go


He never held me close. You never let me go. Just when I lost the fights you were my soldier.

And now we are sitting here in such a different place


April 14th
Do you remember?


I've been mended by you.